Cao Cao's Battle Report 4: End of Honor
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! This is the final installment of the Battle Report series. This is Cao Cao’s last chance to successfully rule over China. Can he do it, or will he and his entire army screw up again? Rated T for language and goofy violence.
1. Chapter 1

**Cao Cao's Battle Report 4: End of Honor**

**By**: Master Jin Sonata

**Genre**: Humor

**Written**: August 2007

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**Disclaimer**: I do not own Koei. However, Cao Cao's ass will always be mine! Muahahahahah!!! Well…not in the way you are probably thinking you dirty little person you…

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**Introduction: Operation Night Blunder**

It's midnight.

Cao Cao is in a mountainous region with his small band of officers and soldiers. As he scopes out the terrain from on top of his horse, his loyal scout runs to his side with a message.

"**Lord Cao Cao, sir, I have an urgent message to report!"** the scout says, bowing before his leader.

"**Not now, can't you see I'm busy surveying the region?"** Cao Cao says, not looking down at his scout.

"**But sir, its in your best interest to read this urgent report!"** the scout insists.

"**And it's in _your_ best interest to not bother me at the moment!"** Cao Cao says angrily at the scout.

Suddenly out of nowhere, a large wooden spike used for siege weapons flies toward the group, narrowly missing Cao Cao before it hit the ground. The sudden attack frightened Cao Cao's horse, forcing it to take off running. Cao Cao is thrown off of his horse and is dragged for nearly a half mile before his horse's harness breaks off. Stumbling back toward the scout and his small army, Cao Cao stops and stares at them in discontent, looking pretty beat up and dirty.

"**Okay…read the damn report already,"** he growls.

"**Certainly, sir,"** the scout says, clearing his throat.

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**_Urgent Report! _**

**_An enemy attack base is nearby! Be careful not to be hit by their catapult weapons._**

**_Signed, Unknown_**

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Cao Cao stared at his scout with a look resembling a pissed-off Winston Churchill.

"**WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ABOUT THIS BEFORE?!?!"** Cao Cao yells to his scout.

"**But sir, I tried to, but…"** the scout tries to explain.

"**Never mind!"** Cao Cao says, sighing as he turned toward his soldiers. **"Men, I want you to stealthily enter that base and overthrow it!"**

"**Sir!!!"** the soldiers responding in unison while saluting before taking off to get the job done.

Moments later, Cao Cao's horse trots up toward him.

"**Oh, so now you decide to come back, you chicken of a horse!"** Cao Cao says coldly to the horse.

The horse responds by stomping a hoof on Cao Cao's foot, crushing it.

"**WAH!!! YOU STUPID HORSE!!!"** Cao Cao yells, kicking his horse on the side, only to be launched into the air when the horse turns around and kicks the Wei commander with its hind legs.

_**Later…**_

Some time later, Cao Cao rides up toward the base, which was pitch dark with no lit torches around.

"**Hmm…what's going on here, it's too quiet,"** Cao Cao said as he got off his horse and hopped toward the base's gate on one foot.

As he got closer to the base, he began hearing music from inside of the building.

**"Are my soldier's celebrating the takeover of this base, or is something else afoot?"** he says out loud.

Deciding to investigate immediately, Cao Cao draws his sword and knocks on the base's giant wooden doors.

No answer.

Cao Cao knocks on the giant wooden doors once again, a litter harder this time.

Still no response.

Cao Cao now bangs on the door with all of his might, hoping for an answer.

No sooner then he had realized it, the giant doors swing open, knocking Cao Cao off to the side, out of view from the entrance.

"**Who was that?"** said one of Cao Cao's soldiers, peeking out from the base.

"**I don't know,"** says another Wei solider. **"Man, I sure wish Lord Cao Cao was in here with us. These Wu guys sure know how to throw a late night party!"**

The two Wei soldiers then close the massive doors shut. Cao Cao gets up from being knocked onto the ground and hobbles toward the door once again.

"**OPEN UP THIS DOOR, NOW!!!"** Cao Cao shouts once again.

This time, the door opens slightly, with Cao Cao's scout slipping out looking pretty drunk.

"**What the hell is going on in there?"** Cao Cao demands.

"**Well sir…(hic!) the Wu kingdom owns this base…(hic!) and apparently they…(hic!) invited your soldiers to party with them…(hic!),"** the intoxicated scout reports.

"**Such ridiculous folly!!! Tell them to get their act together before I personally have them hung!!!"** Cao Cao says furiously.

"**Sorry sir, no can do…(hic!), it seems as though I'm about to pass out from having too much to drink!"** the scout says, saluting drunkenly before passing out onto the ground.

Cao Cao just stood there before crying from frustration.

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Yep, this was another unfortunate incident brought forth on Cao Cao during a failed mission that happened a week ago. After almost an entire year of blunders, from the first Battle Report fic till now, Cao Cao is setting his foot down and is going to lead his army to victory for once…after his crushed foot finishes healing first that is…

Has Cao Cao finally learned from his past mistakes? One could only hope so the fourth and final time around.

This is Cao Cao's Battle Report 4: End of Honor

**Next**: Day 1: Change Is Not Always Good

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_**Please review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Day 1: **__**Change Is Not Always Good**_

**Cao Cao's Castle, Throne Room**

**SLAM!**

The doors that lead into Cao Cao's royal chambers slammed open as Cao Cao entered into the room. As he made his way toward his throne, he passed his officers who were lined up on each side of the walkway. Cao Cao sat in his lavish seat and took the glass of wine that his trusted scout had readied for him.

"**Last night's midnight convoy was a disaster! My trusted officers…I will not tolerate any more failures anymore!!! The other kingdoms have bested us far too many times! It's time for change!"** Cao Cao announced.

**"Duh…change? You mean as in like...changing my underwear? Because I forgot to this morning…"** Xu Zhu said, scratching his head.

"**That's not what I meant!!!"** Cao Cao shot back. **"I mean change as in strategy!!!"**

"**So you're saying my techniques aren't good enough for you then?"** Sima Yi said, raising an eyebrow.

"**No, and you should know because you got owned by Zhuge Liang every single time!"** Cao Cao said. **"I swear, all of you are a bunch of losers!!!"**

"**So what is this beautiful plan you wish for us to start following?"** Zhang He asked.

"**Effective immediately, all of you are going to undergo training in the fields that each of you aren't familiar with!"** Cao Cao says. **"In other words, the strategists will undergo combat training, the dimwitted ones will be schooled in basic strategy, the veteran soldiers will learn proper culture and etiquette, and the weak petite ones will be training to improve their battle performance. Doing this will improve your overall performance on the battlefield."**

"**Are you serious?"** Zhang Liao said.

"**Lord Cao Cao, you can't be serious, we only have a week until we wage another against the other kingdoms!"** Dian Wei said.

"**Read my lips: I don't care! Now all of you are going to start immediately! Now go!!!"** Cao Cao commanded.

All of the officers muttered to themselves in discontent as they left Cao Cao's chambers. All that remained was Cao Cao and his trusted scout.

"**What about me, Lord Cao Cao?"** the scout asked.

"**Hmm…I'll be busy training these peons…so I want you to be acting ruler for the next five hours, got it?"** Cao Cao said.

"**Yes sir!"** the scout said while saluting.

Cao Cao got up off of his throne and left the premises.

**Solider Training Grounds**

Minutes later, Cao Cao met up with his strategist, Sima Yi, to teach him the basics of combat.

"**Alright, now pay attention. Planning out our moves in warfare is one thing, but what will you do if you get ambushed by an enemy officer?"** Cao Cao asked Sima Yi.

"**I'll hit them with my Black Feather Fan,"** Sima Yi responded.

"**Wrong answer. How you even fight with such an unorthodox weapon is beyond me. Anyways, you need to be able to wield a real weapon! Here, try this out,"** Cao Cao said as he handed Sima Yi some nunchucks.

Sima Yi took the weapon and looked at it.

"**How am I supposed to use such a primitive and savage weapon?"** Sima Yi said, raising an eyebrow.

"**You swing it around you moron!!!"** Cao Cao said.

"**Oh…"** Sima Yi said, as he began to swing around the nunchucks with ease. **"Hey…this weapon isn't half bad…"**

**THWACK!!!**

No sooner when Sima Yi was getting use to his new weapon, he ends up hitting himself on the forehead, knocking him out cold as he fell to the ground with a crash.

"**This is going to be a long day…"** Cao Cao thought to himself.

**Cao Cao's Personal Library**

Cao Cao was sitting impatiently in a quiet corner of the library waiting for Xu Zhu and Pang De to finish reading their books on basic strategy maneuvers.

While they read, Pang De looks up at Cao Cao.

"**Lord Cao Cao, I'm just wondering…why am I here in strategy training? Shouldn't I be with the others who will be doing etiquette training instead?"** Pang De asked.

"**No, you know why? Because all you ever do is take direct orders from me, but never do anything on your own initiative!"** Cao Cao said.

"**Oh…"** Pang De says, before noticing the book Xu Zhu was reading. **"Say, what's big boy reading then?"**

"**Hooked On Phonics: Strategy Edition For Dummies…"** Cao Cao said with a sigh.

**Solider Training Grounds**

Next, Cao Cao tried teaching Zhang He and Zhen Ji the basics of physical fitness.

"**Granted you two are lean and fit, but you'll be facing soldiers who'll break you like a twig because of their massive strength! That's why both of you need to tone up on your physique!"** Cao Cao explained. **"Now try lifting up this rock."**

Both Zhang He and Zhen Ji both look at the dusty rock that sat before them on the ground.

"**I'm not touching that…"** Zhang He said.

"**Do it!!!"** Cao Cao said, shaking his fist at them.

Both of them sighed as they both bent down to pick up the rock, only to hurt their backs in the process.

"**This is not as beautiful as I first thought it would be…"** Zhang He said, wincing in pain.

"**I've never lifted anything heavier other than my flute…"** Zhen Ji added, on the verge of tears from hurting her back.

Cao Cao was also on the verge of crying from frustration on how the training sessions were going at this point.

**The Dining Hall**

The last session of the day was to teach the rest of his main officers, the veteran fighters, some proper etiquette.

"**I once read a book on Japanese Tea Ceremonies, and I figured I'd teach it to you guys. That way you'll have some culture to go along with your array of skills," **Cao Cao explained.

In front of each man on the table were teacups and a few pitchers of hot tea.

"**Now each of you take a turn and gently pour yourselves a cup of tea,"** Cao Cao instructed.

Xiahou Dun reached for the pitcher, but accidentally knocks it over onto the table, which spilled out and seeped onto Xu Huang's lap, who screamed when the piping hot tea scorched his pants. Cao Ren and Xiahou Yuan took a cup, but ended up breaking the cups by the grip of their hands. Dian Wei chugged down the hot tea to his satisfaction, while Zhang Liao slurped his very loudly.

Cao Cao turned and left the room without saying a word after witnessing his officer's clumsy attempt at etiquette.

**Cao Cao's Castle, Throne Room**

Cao Cao returns to the throne room, where he sees his son Cao Pi speaking to the scout whom he put in charge for the time being.

"**So, anything happen while I was gone?" **Cao Cao sighed.

"**Your trusted scout here just declared war with the other kingdoms tomorrow instead of next week,"** Cao Pi said.

"**WHAT?!?!"** Cao Cao yelped in a high pitch voice. **"YOU FOOL!!! CANCEL THE DECLARATION!!! WE AREN'T READY!!!" **he yelled angrily.

"**No can do sir, I signed an official document. Sun Jian, Liu Bei, Dong Zhuo, and Meng Huo all came and signed it as well,"** the scout said.

"**Damn…"** Cao Cao said, slumping onto his throne. **"Cai Pi, tell everyone to get ready immediately. We leave first thing in the morning…" **Cao Cao said, sighing.

**Next**: Day 2: Cao Cao's Officers: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

_**Please review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Day 2: **__**Cao Cao's Officers: The Good, The Bad, The Ugly**_

**On The Battlefield**

The next morning, Cao Cao's forces were already stationed at their designated posts. Due to yesterday's change in commands, every officer was taking up a new task based on the training they received.

Cao Cao walks toward his officers and clears his throat.

"**Alright, this battle will start in five minutes. Remember what I've taught you yesterday. You'd be surprised on how expanding your horizons will have a greater impact on your battle performance,"** Cao Cao explained. **"Now, go and don't screw up!!!"**

His officers saluted him and left soon after.

**Sima Yi Tries To Act Tough**

The war had begun, and Sima Yi decides to pit his newly obtained macho skills against someone tough.

Sima Yi rode over toward an attack base and approached the main gate. He got off the horse and banged onto the large wooden gate.

"**Yeah, who is it?"** said a guard from inside.

"_Let's see…gotta do what Cao Cao instructed…"_ Sima Yi thought to himself. **"It is I, the great Sima Yi! You better open the door or prepare to fall to my awesome martial arts skills!" **Sima Yi announced in a semi-macho tome.

The massive gate soon opens, and out stepped Lu Bu.

"**So you're the peon who wishes to kick my butt huh?"** Lu Bu roared, glaring down at Sima Yi.

Sima Yi gulped as he stared back up at Lu Bu. **"Well…I…uh…"**

"**Well, are you going to fight me or not, you chicken?"** Lu Bu taunted.

"**How dare you call me chicken, take this!"** Sima Yi said, whipping out his nunchucks to attacking Lu Bu with them.

**CRACK!!!**

Upon impact, the nunchucks broke when it hit Lu Bu. Lu Bu growled angrily and went to grab Sima Yi.

**Minutes Later…**

Back at the main camp, Cao Cao watched the battle wage on normally at his POV. Suddenly, he saw Lu Bu coming toward him, holding something in his hand.

"**Special delivery,"** Lu Bu said, plopping the box in front of Cao Cao before leaving.

"**What's this?"** Cao Cao said, picking up the purple box decorated with black feathers.

The tag on front said **'Strategist In A Box'**.

"…**This can't be good…"** Cao Cao said, wide eyes at what Lu Bu did to Sima Yi.

**Zhang He and Zhen Ji Test Their Might**

In another area of the battlefield, Zhang He and Zhen Ji approached Dong Zhuo's gold storage. The gate in front of the base was cracked open, as if someone forgot to lock it. They stepped inside.

"**Look at all of this gold! I can finally afford a wedding ring for my beloved Cao Pi!"** Zhen Ji said, dazzled at all of the riches in front of them.

"**Let us make off with this cash soon, so that I can go get my hair done,"** Zhang He said.

Before both of them could pounce upon the gold, someone was approaching from the outside toward the very base.

"**Who's in my gold stash? I'll squash anyone who takes a single piece of my gold!!!"** yelled Dong Zhuo yelled as he slammed open the doors.

"**Busted…"** Zhen Ji said.

"**Zhen Ji, you take a few bags of gold while I hold off the pompous fool,"** Zhang He instructed.

Zhen Ji nodded and started gathering gold while Zhang He approached Dong Zhuo.

"**Step aside!"** Zhang He said to Dong Zhuo.

"**Make me, skinny-boy,"** Dong Zhuo taunted.

Zhang He stepped up to the tyrant and tried to shove him, only to force himself to be pushed back instead.

"**Bwahaha!!! What was that?"** Dong Zhuo laughed as he gently shoved Zhang He, sending the Wei officer flying several feet backwards.

Meanwhile, Zhen Ji struggled to pick up a single bag of coins as she could barely lift one off of the ground.

"**Oh no you don't!!!"** Dong Zhuo said, now charging toward Zhen Ji. **"I'll turn you and your prissy partner into currency!!!"**

A loud scream came from within that gold storage base as Dong Zhuo laughed with glee.

**Minutes Later…**

Some time later, Dong Zhuo was next to approach Cao Cao at his camp.

"**Here, you can have these worthless coins,"** Dong Zhuo said, tossing tow gold coins at Cao Cao before riding off on his horse.

Cao Cao caught the coins and looked at them. One had a picture of Zhang He and the other hand Zhen Ji engraved on it, with both officers looking pretty disheveled and horrified.

Cao Cao was aghast at what he was seeing.

He was beginning to think this was all a big mistake.

**Xu Zhu And Pang De Try Strategy**

At the Wei main camp, Cao Pi was left to let Pang De and Xu Zhu delegate some of the actions regarding the war.

"**Okay, listen up you two, my father has told me to let you two issue out orders directly to our military in action. Now, go on top of the hill and proclaim your orders to the army,"** Cao Pi instructed.

Both men nodded and made their way toward a nearby hill. Xu Zhu was the first to give out orders.

"**DUH…WEI SOLDIERS! ATTACK ALL OF THE SOLDIERS WITH EVERYTHING YOU GOT!!!"** Zhu Xu called out.

Every Wei soldier hears the orders and began attacking each other along with the enemy.

"**That' didn't sound right. You told the Wei soldiers to attack ALL soldiers? Now they're attacking each other because you weren't specific!!!"** Pang De said. **"Let me try."**

Pang De went up to the edge of the hill and yelled out his orders.

"**WEI SOLDIERS!!! ATTACK THE MAIN CAMP!!!"** Pang De called out.

All of the Wei soldiers stopped and immediately turned around, facing Wei's main camp. They all shouted in unison as they began stampeding toward their own base.

"**Duh…you're not so good at giving commands either…"** Xu Zhu said, scratching his head.

Seconds later, Cao Cao and his son Cao Pi ran up the hill where Pang De and Xu Zhu were standing.

"**What…are…you…DOING?!?! This is NOT the kind of orders I would issue you IDIOTS!!!!"** Cao Cao loudly growled with anger.

All four of them then witnessed their main camp get tramples by their own military within seconds.

**The Tea Ceremony**

An hour later, Cao Cao was seen leading the rest of his men toward a neutral base in the center of the battlefield.

"**Alright men, this is the last chance we have to make a name for ourselves in this battle. I want all of you to show these women in this base proper tea ceremony etiquette, and don't screw it up!!!"** Cao Cao said, opening the door to the base.

Dian Wei, Xiahou Dun, Xu Huang, Zhang Liao, Cao Ren, and Xiahou Yuan stepped inside and sat in a row behind a large table. On the opposite end of the table were the Qiao sisters, Yue Ying, Sun Shang Xiang, and Diao Chan.

"**Welcome, men. The deal is if you can demonstrate proper etiquette to us, we will relinquish control of a territory over to your kingdom,"** Diao Chan said. **"Now, begin."**

Dian Wei reached over to grab the tiny teacup.

**CRACK!!!**

"**Whoops! My massive grip broke the cup into pieces…"** Dian Wei said with much embarrassment.

Zhang Liao began pouring the tea into Xu Huang's cup, but it slipped, making the tea spill into Xu Huang lap.

"**YAAH! Watch it you jerk!!!"** Xu Huang yelled as he fanned his scorched crotch.

Xiahou Yuan took a sip of his tea.

"**PTTTTTHHHHHBBBBB!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF?! THIS IS THE WORST THING I EVER DRANK!!!"** Xiahou Yuan yelled with much dismay.

Both Cao Ren and Xiahou Dun refused to take part in the ceremony after seeing the reaction of the other two.

At the door, Cao Cao was peeking inside seeing the mess his officers had made.

He cried in frustration and left to go gather his army to go home for the day.

**Next**: Day 3: Cao Cao Is Stupid

_**Please review!**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Day 3: **__**Cao Cao Is Stupid**_

**Cao Cao's Castle**

The next day after the disastrous battle, Cao Cao sat on his throne exasperated at the outcome of the previous battle.

"**Dammit…why can't I ever win? This kingdom will go to pot if something isn't done soon…"** Cao Cao contemplated.

Just then, his son Cao Pi enters his father's chambers.

"**Father, there are a few people out front who wish to see you,"** Cao Pi announced.

"**Who is it?"** Cao Cao said, not looking at his son.

"**They are the leaders of the other kingdoms. They have come to offer a truce,"** Cao Pi continued.

Cao Cao looks up at his son and glares at him.

"**You can't be serious,"** Cao Cao said dryly.

"**Indeed I am. So, what are you going to do about it?"** Cao Pi asked.

"**Tell them to leave,"** Cao Cao said.

"…**So you won't go through with it then?"** Cao Pi inquired.

Cao Cao glared up at his son again.

"**Fine, fine…"** Cao Pi said as he left the chambers.

Cao Cao sat there and contemplated about the truce proposal.

"**Hmmm…The same similar thing happened a while back when Xu Zhu signed our kingdom over to himself…and that time it wasn't a trick…and then yesterday during the tea ceremony…they were ready to give in if my men showed magnificent etiquette skills…if they are doing this now…then that means…" **Cao Cao thought out loud.

"…**This is for real!!!!!"**

Cao Cao shot up out of his throne and began running toward the front of his castle. He bursts out the front gates, where he only saw his son standing there.

**"Where are they? Where are the other leaders?"** Cao Cao demanded.

"**They already left. They seemed very disappointed in your decision," **Cao Pi said.

**"Godammit!!!"** Cao Cao yelled before gritting his teeth and growling as he turns to return to his castle.

"**Son, gather everyone to my throne room, immediately!!!"** Cao Cao demanded, not turning to look back at his son. **"We are going to take down each leader of the other kingdoms, then I will be the only one left that's worthy to rule China!"**

**Next**: Final Chapter: End of Honor

_**Please review!**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** The final chapter was so big, I had to cut it into two parts! Here's part 1! Enjoy!

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_**Final Chapter: End of Honor Part 1**_

That same night, Cao Cao held one final meeting with his officers with instructions on invading the other territories.

"**Men and women of Wei, time and time again have we been bested and humiliated by the other faction leaders this past year. Time and time again the other leaders have offered to surrender their land to us, and in the end, my misjudgment caused that opportunity to be destroyed. My officers, it is now high time, after three emberrasing installments of this series, that we do the ultimate deed to ensure victory throughout China!"** Cao Cao announced.

"**Give up and surrender with our tails between our legs?"** Cao Pi responded with a glum expression.

"**NO!!! We are going to assassinate the leaders of each kingdom during the night!!!"** Cao Cao proclaimed.

**"But sir, remember when you tried to seize a base during a midnight raid a few nights ago? It didn't go so well,"** Cao Cao's loyal scout said.

"**Yes…and it was all your fault!!!"** Cao Cao said, pointing at his officers. **"Why the hell is it so difficult for you people to carry out simple tasks? Am I stuck in some sort of twisted demented fantasy written by a franchise-loving author?!?!"** Cao Cao demanded.

"**Well, Lord Cao Cao, part of the reason you fail is from your lack of leadership skills and bad judgment,"** Sima Yi said in a cheeky tone.

"**WHAT?!?! FODDER!!!"** Cao Cao shot back**. "Enough of this nonsense!!! I'm dividing you guys into four groups. Each group will set out and infiltrate the compounds of either Sun Jian, Liu Bei, Meng Huo, and Dong Zhuo within the shadows of darkness!!! All of you better succeed or else I'll destroy each of you myself!!!"** Cao Cao commanded. **"NOW GO AND DO THINGS RIGHT!!!"**

With that said, Cao Cao's officers and soldiers set out to carry out the assassination missions.

**12:21 A.M.: Sun Jian's Compound**

"**The coast is clear…let's go!"**

Cao Pi, Xu Zhu, and Pang De were charged with infiltrating Sun Jian's castle. As the three snuck through the pitch-black hallways, they heard a noise.

"**Wait…that low growling voice…is there a monster nearby?"** Pang De asked, ready to pull out his halberds.

"**Uh…nope…just my stomach…I'm hungry…"** Xu Zhu said, tapping his stomach.

"**Why did father insist on bringing him along anyway?"** Cao Pi said, sighing in frustration. **"Come on, let's find Sun Jian's room and get the heck out of here before we are found!"**

The three continued to creep along the dark halls and up the stairs until they reached a lavish looking door at the top floor.

"**This must be it. Come on,"** Cao Pi said, slowly opening the door.

The three men snuck into the room quietly and stopped at the side of the bed.

"**Okay, hand me the assassin's dagger,"** Cao Pi said to Pang De.

"**Assassin's dagger? I thought Xu Zhu had it!"** Pang De responded.

"**Duh…nope, I don't have it,"** Xu Zhu said, scratching his head.

"**Oh never mind!!! I'll do it myself!!!"** Cao Pi growled, pulling out his twin pikes.

Just as Cao Pi prepared to strike Sun Jian in his bed, the light suddenly clicks on.

They were not in Sun Jian's room, but in Da Qiao's room instead. Da Qiao was staring back at Cao Pi as she clicked on her bedside lamp.

"**Who the hell are you?! Cao Cao's men?!"** Da Qiao said, shocked at the intrusion.

"**Uh oh…that's not Sun Jian…"** Pang De said, gulping.

"**Oh wow…that's a cool light thingy you have there…how come we don't have one?"** Xu Zhu said, more marveled at her lamp than the situation.

"…**This is not good…"** Cao Pi said.

"**HELP!!! SECURITY!!!"** yelled Da Qiao

Before the three men could react, another man was suddenly breathing down their necks.

They slowly turned around to see that Zhou Tai standing before him, brandishing his samurai sword.

"**Say goodnight, peeping toms,"** Zhou Tai said, clicking off the light before tearing the crap out of them on the spot.

The cries for help and agony could be heard outside of Sun Jian's castle.

**1:55 A.M.: Liu Bei's Compound**

Meanwhile at Liu Bei's castle, Zhang He, Zhen Ji, and Sima Yi were grouped together and ordered to kill of Liu Bei.

"**Why was I paired up with you two prissy fools?"** Sima Yi grumbles. **"And why did Cao Cao's scout give me this stupid assassin's dagger? Wasn't it supposed to be for Cao Pi's group?"** he continued twirling the dagger with his fingers.

"**Shush! We must float quietly like a butterfly down the halls and swiftly dispose of this Liu Bei character,"** Zhang He said.

"**Yes…and anyone who dares to stop us will be forced to listen to my god-awful flute-playing skills,"** Zhen Ji said.

The three snuck down the hallways until they reached a dead-end.

"**This isn't the way! Don't you know where you are going?"** Sima Yi says, tapping his foot.

"**Oh shut up, fan-boy. I need to take a break anyways,"** Zhen Ji said, leaning up against the wall, only to slip and fall against a vase sitting on a pedestal, ultimately knocking the vase off of it.

Acting quickly, Zhang He leaps forward and catches the vase before it hit the ground. As he caught it, some water that was in it splashes out onto Zhen Ji.

"**Ugh!!! You got my dress wet!!!"** Zhen Ji scoffed.

"**Here, use this towel hanging next to me,"** Sima Yi said, tugging on something next to him.

After giving it one good yank, Sima Yi brought forward not a towel, but a long beard…

…Guan Yu's beard to be exact.

Everyone gulped.

"**Oh no…this will not end well…"** said Zhen Ji said nervously.

"**Blue Dragon strikes!!!"** Guan Yu proclaims, pulling out his weapon and swinging it at Zhang He and Zhen Ji.

Sima Yi managed to escape as he heard the screams of his team members behind him. Thinking he got away, he runs around the corner of another hallway and runs into someone else.

It was Zhuge Liang…

…brandishing a modern-day pistol.

"**Any last words, my arch-rival?"** Zhuge Liang says.

"**Yes…you suck, Zhuge Liang,"** Sima Yi said.

**BANG!!!**

The first two teams failed. What will be the fate of the remaining officers?

Stay tuned for the second part of the final chapter.

**Next**: Final Chapter: End of Honor Part 2

_**Please review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note:** This is it! The last chapter of the series! Here's part 2! Enjoy!

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_**Final Chapter: End of Honor Part 2**_

**2:25 A.M.: Meng Huo's Compound**

Meanwhile, the group assigned to infiltrate Meng Huo: Xiahou Dun, Xiahou Yuan, and Dian Wei, arrive just outside of the Nanman Leader's encampment. They sneak inside and stop in front of the largest tent.

**"Okay, so what's the plan, Dun?"** Dian Wei asked as all three men peek their heads inside the tent, seeing Men Huo snoring loudly in his bed.

**"What else? Stab Meng Huo with a knife!"** Xiahou Dun responded.** "C'mon and let's get this over with!"**

The three men proceed inside the tent and surround Meng Huo's bed.

**"This will be over in a flash,"** Xiahou Yuan said as he pulled out a knife from his pocket and thrusts it into Meng Huo's body.

**CRUUUUNCH!!!**

...which ultimately bent out of shape upon colliding with his skin.

**"Damn...I knew the Nanman people's skin was tough, but no _this _tough!" **Dian Wei said, wide-eyed at Xiahou Yuan's now ruined knife.

**"Do we have an alternative?"** Xiahou Yuan asked Xiahou Dun.

**"I'll try my sword,"** Xiahou Dun said, pulling out his large blade.

However, before he could act, Meng Huo rolls over in his bed and grabs Xiahou Dun by the arm and pulls him into bed with him, thinking that Dun is a teddy bear.

_**"Son of a...guys! Get me out of here!!!" **_Xiahou Dun whispers to the other two.

**"Right!"** both Yuan and Wei say as they tried to pry Meng Huo away from Dun, only for Meng Huo to grab the other two as well. He held them so tight they couldn't escape.

**"Oh for the love of...now what?"** Xiahou Dun asks.

Before anyone could respond, Zhu Rong, Meng Huo's wife, enters the tent.

**"Honey, I'm back from my trip. You still aw---WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!"** Zhu Rong yells as she sees her husband sleeping with the other men. Meng Huo is woken up in an instant, and sees the men he had grabbed laying next to him.

**"WEI OFFICERS?!?! WHY THE HELL WERE YOU SLEEPING WITH ME?!!?"** Meng Huo yells to the men.

**"It's not our fault---"** Dian Wei protests.

**"SHUT-UP!!!"** Meng Huo yells back**. "PREPARE TO DIE!!!"**

Together with his wife, Meng Huo proceeds to clobber the three Wei officers all night long.

**3:06 A.M.: Dong Zhuo's Compound**

The final three officers sent by Cao Cao were Xu Huang, Cao Ren, and Zhang Liao. They soon arrive at Dong Zhuo's castle. After climbing in through a secret compartment on the outside walls, the three men travel down the dark corridors of the tyrant's castle.

**"Okay men, let's split up. Each of us will check one of these rooms down the hall. If one of us finds Dong Zhuo, we oust them and leave promptly,"** Cao Ren suggests.

**"What if something happens to one of us?"** Xu Huang inquires.

**"Nothing will happen. Besides, who's going to be awake at this hour anyways? Now, let's go!"** Zang Liao responds.

All three men nod and take the nearest door they could find.

Xu Huang found a door first and went inside.

**"It's so dark in here..."** he said, looking for some source of light.

**"To your left,"** said a voice within the darkness.

**"Oh thanks,"** Xu Huang said, reaching over to light a wall lamp next to him.

The light came on, and Xu Huang saw who was standing in front of him.

It was Lu Bu.

**"Hunting time!"** Lu Bu proclaims, before blowing out the light.

**"Whoops..." **was all that Xu Huang could say before Lu Bu jumped him in the darkness.

Cao Ren found the next room. When he entered, he tripped over something on the floor and landed on a large bed. That's when he heard a voice next to him.

**"Why hello there. Come for some fun, Wei-man?" **said Diao Chan.

Cao Ren gulped as Diao Chan laughed with delight before knocking his block off with her maces.

Finally, Zhang Liao entered into the last bedroom in the hall. Once inside, he lit a lamp nearby the door and looked about the room.

**"This looks like Dong Zhuo's gold storage..." **Zhang Liao commented, looking about the room at the huge abundance of gold coins, gold bars, and a giant portrait of Dong Zhuo hanging on the wall...holding a shotgun.

**"My...that portrait looks so real..."** Zhang Liao said, stepping closer to get a better look.

**"That's right! So real it will kill you!!!"** said Dong Zhuo, which was actually him in the picture frame and not some artwork. He loaded his gun and pointed it at Zhang Liao.

**"...Will this was a disaster..."** was the last thing out of Zhang Liao's mouth before being pumped full of lead by the money hungry tyrant.

**Epilogue**

_The next day upon hearing the destruction of all of his officers by his most trusted scout, Cao Cao panics and attempts to flee the country. However, along the way, he was captured by a joint coalition from the other kingdoms and was charged with conspiracy and espionage. His ultimate punishment was being sent to spend eternity as a trash collector all over China. His trusted scout would eventually become the successful new Emperor of China within the coming years after learning how not to rule like Cao Cao has done. A sad ending, yes, but this is what happens to people when anger, frustration, and bad judgment cloud their vision of success...especially if your name is Cao Cao._

This concludes the Cao Cao's Battle Report Series.

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**The End!**

**That's all of the Cao Cao's Battle Report Series!!! Please review!!!**

And keep on the lookout for three new Dynasty Warrior fics coming this January and February of 2008!


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